Akasha is a normal woman living a normal life, with a career, and a mate. She got into "erotic power exchange" on her own, as an experimenting teenager.

She was fascinated with the sensualism associated with games like tying up her partner, or using blindfolds. As she got older, she was exposed to more, at her own pace, and found that there were many things she could enjoy with a partner. She says some of the things she does now she would never have imagined she would do!

I believe that many women are intimidated by and uncomfortable with the concept of erotic female domination because of the way they see it portrayed in adult films and in the media. I believe that men also develop many bad habits after years of satisfying their fantasies on their own, and focusing on their own pleasure.

Akasha receives a lot of email from women who are exploring domination. The woman's attitude range from "This sounds ridiculous and twisted and I don't think I can ever do it but I want to make him happy" to "Hmm, sounds kind of interesting, but some of that stuff is just too weird."

In the For Women Only section of her site, Akasha offers plenty of help and tips for women curious about female domination.

Where do I even start?
While they dig the portrayal of "dominant women" in adult films, most men really want one thing: A woman who really enjoys dominating him. That is more important than a costume. There will be things you’ll do once and say "not for me", but Akasha bets that you’ll find there are things you’ll do and look back, thinking, "Hey, that was really HOT!"

First, the rules. Akasha suggests that you read these with your mate.

FOR HIM:

No nagging. Don't push her into doing it. Let her do it when she is ready. If she says "I am going to give this a try when I am ready," you are to back off and let her approach it in her own way.

No asking for more. When she's done with the scene or session with you, don't ask for more. Even if you think you are complimenting her by saying, "Oh I am so turned on, please can we keep going" – DON'T. There is a time for communication, but when she signals that she is done, you can't ask for more.

Don't top from the bottom. No hinting at her, no telling her what to do, no trying to "help" her unless she asks for it. No trying to manipulate her into doing more of what you like. The purpose of this is for her to find out what she enjoys. You already know what you enjoy.

Don't get addicted. The rush will be fantastic. Separate your relationship from your passion for these games and don't let it rule your life. Provide her with appropriate affection and encouragement in the hours and days following her exploration, without expecting anything in return.

Retain dignity. If groveling is your kink, please tone it down. Keep your reactions in check and note how she responds to your reactions. The goal here is to not have her feel uncomfortable when she sees you submit. All women react differently to varying degrees of humility in their mates. It's your job to find out what her comfort zone is. It might change with time, but out of the gate you want her to enjoy it and not be distracted by you acting too pathetic for her taste.

FOR HER:

Let go. Don't compare yourself to the stereotype of what you think "female domination" is – whether it is a dominatrix you saw on TV or something you saw in an adult movie or B-movie. This isn't the same thing.

Make sure you do the things you like and do those lots. If something feels right but you feel confused about it, know that you can reflect on it later, communicate with your mate and find out how you feel about it.

Enjoy yourself. This is YOUR time. Do not get caught in the trap of thinking, "Ok, I can do this. I can stomach it to please my partner because I love him." That's not the point. It defeats the purpose.

BE SAFE. Always know your partner, his health situation, allergies. Always have a communication mode set up, either agree to talk openly during the entire time (so if he says "STOP", that means stop), or set up a "SAFEWORD" if you prefer to role play – so if he says "STOP" and is just being dramatic, have a code word that really means "STOP". Personally, I prefer open communication, especially if you are just starting.

THE GROUND RULES FOR BOTH PEOPLE

All play is initiated by the woman. She picks the date and time. It is up to her whether or not to give advanced notice, and also to still NOT choose to play at that time.

Play starts AND stops when she feels it should. When she is finished, or "stuck," or if she feels that it just isn't clicking with her, she says, "I'd like to stop now," and all bets are off.

Communication must take place after the "scene" is over – in preferably three segments. One, about ten or 15 minutes after completion. Spend some quiet time cuddling or making love, and then take a few minutes to reflect on how both people enjoyed it. Talk about it again later – a few hours later. Often new feelings come out. Then, try to talk about it the next day when you have had a chance to totally remove yourself.

Topics for post-scene discussion

What did she enjoy most? Ladies, remember that often a great deal of the pleasure the man receives is in knowing that he did a good job or made you feel good.

What pushed his buttons? DO say things like, "When you pinched my nipples, I thought I was going to lose it! That was so intense and exciting." DO NOT say things like, "I wish you would have pinched my nipples more." Say what you liked, not what could have been better, UNLESS she asks you. This is confidence-building time.

What odd emotions are you facing? For both partners. Note that many times the emotions run VERY high right after completing this kind of scenario and it takes some time to level off.

Aftercare. It is common for one or both people to feel exhausted, zoned, restless or confused. Often a sure-fire aftercare method, to help both people settle down, is good old fashioned quiet cuddling.Aftercare comes also the next day – a phone call or an email to say again, "I really enjoyed that."

Quick tips for her enjoyment:

DON'T try to do this just to please your partner. This is playful, sexual experimentation. Treat it as that.

DO NOT force yourself to do any of these things if you are not in the mood. Period.

KNOW THAT YOU CAN STOP whenever you want. He knows the rules. You do this on your time. Don't feel obligated.

THINK ABOUT the fantasy/scene ahead of time – a day or two before, a few hours before. Think about what will make it exciting for you. Think about how shocked and enamored he is going to be.

REMEMBER there is no set start and stop time, or "time length" this should last. It may be ten or fifteen minutes. It may be a half hour. It may be broken up throughout the day or over a few days. When you are done, or feeling not quite into it, you say, "I am ready to stop now." At first, you may want to purposely take less time in your adventures – they can be exhausting!

READ THE ENTIRE GUIDE HERE